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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

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I turned 49 on July 24th. I dreaded this birthday for months. I planned not to celebrate, skipping over the day unnoticed. But my family and friends would not allow it. If anything, this felt like one of my most celebrated birthdays ever. 

I looked deeply at this birthday and why it bothered me so. I accredited it to not feeling good about myself and therefore not feeling good about the current number and the dreaded number coming in 365 short days. And then I looked deeply at myself and why I was not feeling good. I had gained more weight on top of the old weight. All this weight left me feeling tired, frumpy, old, and unsexy. This was not the Evelyn I knew and loved. I wanted the old Evelyn so desperately to come back.

The week before my birthday I received an email from Todd, Dept Head of the Personal Trainers at LifeTime Fitness in Plymouth. The email basically said that they missed me (I hadn't gone but a couple of times in the last year... what a waste of $) and he invited me to a complimentary session to discuss my fitness goals and to come up with a workout plan. I took it as a sign and made an appointment.

I haven't looked back since.

That appointment was on July 17th. The following Monday (and the Monday of my birthday week) I started working out with a Personal Trainer named Madeline. I was filled with angst and dread as Madeline was everything I envied... young, blonde, pretty, and fit. I instantly felt old, drab, ugly, and fat.

But Madeline is more than just young, blonde, pretty and fit. She is encouraging and believes in me. She pushes me and when I feel like I can't do anymore and just want to cry instead, she pushes me some more. And then she tells me how awesome I am. Madeline has made a difference. It's weird, but even though I pay her, I feel like I don't want to let her down, so I keep showing up and I keep doing my "homework."

I have lost 11 pounds and inches. How many inches, I'm not sure as I regrettably forgot to measure when I started. My clothes fit differently and people are starting to notice. My body FEELS different. When I move and when I'm not moving.

And the best thing of all is that I FEEL MOTIVATED.

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